Upon arrival at the De Vere Beaumont Estate, we were warmly welcomed by an email from the General Manager, Darren, proudly announcing a $12 million investment throughout the hotel. Sadly, not one penny appears to have been spent on guest comfort, common sense, or basic hospitality.
Let’s start with the bedrooms – a triumph of aesthetics over function. Despite the UK’s increasing summer heat and this being a major hotel, there is no air conditioning in the rooms. None. Nada. Zilch. Instead, we were offered an assortment of sad, underpowered fans, borrowed from reception like contraband. They mostly served to move warm air around the room like an enthusiastic intern with no real influence.
Then there’s the bed, which could double as a medieval torture device. I’ve slept on park benches with more support. I genuinely considered pulling the mattress onto the floor to see if it would help — and that’s not a metaphor. My back still hasn’t forgiven me.
The restaurant buffet? Ah yes — where you must pay up front, like you’re about to do a runner after hoarding sausages. The logic here is either:
1. Guests are untrustworthy, or
2. The hotel is technologically stuck in 1997 and cannot charge meals to your room.
Either way, it’s as awkward as it is insulting — and I’ve never before been treated like a dine-and-dash risk while eating a lukewarm buffet in a country manor.
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